It's a new and exciting road ahead of me, as I've said before. So, to give a little background, here it goes.
I've been married once at the *wise* age of 21. That marriage lasted 17 years. I should have left that marriage probably around year five, but I stuck it out. Why? A good part of it was because of my programming or conditioning from my family growing up.
"Find a man with a good job, a good future, marry him, pop out some kids and life will be grand."
Yeah. Sure. Maybe if I were wired differently, that would have been a viable option.
Throughout the course of that marriage, I began to discover that the life I chose wasn't really making me happy. Yes, I had four wonderful kids I love and adore (still do!) and they were the only joy in my life. While some people, particularly women, think that *that* should have been enough, it wasn't. I was pretending to be a type of woman that I simply am not. I knew that, but wasn't sure how to get back to the genuine, authentic Me.
So, in 2008, I was divorced from him. During the process of the divorce, I happened to meet another man. OMG, he was amazing! He made me laugh, we had the same interests, we even said the same, exact full sentences at the same time as if we shared a brain! (Yeah, you see where this is going, don't you?)
Yes, I fell head over heels for him, and we started seeing each other regularly. He moved to another state for a job (which I totally supported and encouraged him to take it immediately), but left me with a parting gift the night before. Nine months later, we welcomed a baby girl as I had moved to the new state where he had moved to a few months earlier. It was a whirlwind. Meet - Move in together across country - Have baby - Decide to move to yet another state together to start a new life and business - TA-DA! Whew!
Honestly, we never dated even when we dated. We talked a great deal and got along great, but living together, as so many of you know, is a completely different matter. Recently, we both decided that, after five years, this just isn't working out between us. We can't live together. I never really felt that any house we lived in was mine and that it was, yet again, me giving up my own power to another man in order to be a good "wife-type". No, we never married because something in my gut told me not to. I know why now.
And that's okay! He's not a villain and I'm not a victim! It's just a matter of simple incompatibility. It happens. We're working on things to make it as easy of a process as possible and remain friends...perhaps even date each other after the dust settles. We'll see on that last part, though. I'm not exactly up for dating anyone at the moment.
Which brings me to my journey going forward. I've done much soul searching the last several months, especially since I was seeing the writing on the wall about our relationship. I thought I'd learned my lesson from the dissolution of my first marriage about being the genuine and authentic ME, but I ended up walking right back into the same patterns and habits that I thought I was leaving behind in my marriage.
I see it so clearly now. I flinched when I had my first chance down this new road, but not this time. I got this! Is it scary? Meh, a bit, but I'm more excited than anything else. Fear doesn't have room in my life right now. Although, if you happen to know someone looking for a freelance writer or something similar to do from home, send them my way. *wink*
I'll write more about the various lessons I'm learning now and what is finally coming to light for me. Let's roll!
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