It hit me today. Hard. I'm at the end of a relationship that I thought would really last. The connection was so strong, so profound, so real. I felt so good about it all at one time. I'm grieving the loss of that.
I realize that I lost it a long time ago, but it's just now really, really hitting me with full force. The grief can't be shaken right now. I need to let it run its course, just as I have other grieving moments in my life. It will heal, but not today. Today is a day for sorrow.
Tomorrow is new, and I know this, too. Tomorrow brings new opportunities, new challenges, new lessons and new viewpoints. But, that is part of my bigger problem: Thinking about tomorrow a little too much. I'm missing the "now" with my frenzy of making future plans, both short-term and long-term. Now is just as important as later.
Actually, let me revise that. Now is more important than later. I don't get another "now", but there are plenty of "later" times ahead, and that can always change. Now does not. Right now, I appreciate more. I love more. I cherish more. To be perfectly honest, now is all any of us really have.
For now, I cry. I cry for the perceived failure, but mostly for what I know I will miss the most: Time. I have wasted so much time throughout my life, and this is a huge, HUGE lesson for me to learn now. Yes, now.
So much is hitting me at once, and it's really tough to juggle it all - to put all of it into the proper place where it belongs. Baggage sucks. But, I know I can and will do this. I do not lay down and take anything that life brings me, especially since I know it is all my own doing. Learning never ends for me, nor should it. It'll just be nice to have a learning experience that doesn't cut so deeply.
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