A Few Hiccups Out of the Gate - And I Need Coffee!

Well - Here I am in my new place.  It's pretty empty, but that's bound to change in due time.  I've had a few little mishaps along the way, and still dealing with a few of them.

Upon my first visit to my new joint, I saw that one of my neighbors had a missing board in their fence that separates our two patios.  Eh, no biggie - until their little Chihuahua comes out and decides to hop through the fence hole into my patio.  No way, little Jose!  Not gonna happen!  

Look, I'm all about dogs, but not strange ones that just decide to encroach on other people's "property", especially when I have a little girl who doesn't abide by the "strange dog" principle.  We don't need a dog bite, yanno?  So, I told the office about it that day and it was fixed the very next day.  Problem. Solved.

I felt like a complete idiot this morning, too.  I went to make my first meal in here last night and discovered that the oven/stove wasn't working.  Great.  Good thing I bought a microwave yesterday, huh?

So, I call the office again this morning to tell them about this.  The very patient girl on the phone asked me to go to the breaker box to be sure that the guys who worked on my place before moving in had put the switch back to on first.  Well DUH!  They didn't and I didn't even think to look there first!  Stupid me.  So, my oven and stove are operational now.

I blame that lovely brain fart on the fact that my coffee pot took a crap on me.  No, I have NOT had any coffee in TWO DAYS!  I'm about to just start chewing on the grounds at this point.  It was working a couple of days ago before I put in some uber fine ground flavored coffee that clogged up the machine, causing it to leak all over my counter.  Ever since then, it won't turn on to brew.  I have the clock that comes on when I plug it in, but it won't let me change the time, program it and the itty-bitty "on" button just mocks me.  

I NEED COFFEE!  *ahem*

Oh, and I met many of my neighbors.  They all seem nice enough, and the part I like best is that they are all quiet (so far, anyway).  Score!  No yapping dogs around, either.  Double score!

So, that's it for now.  Time to get and keep busy - like that's ever a problem these days.  Pfft!  Later! 

Today is Key Day!

I can't believe it's here, already.  Today is the day I pick up the keys for my new place.  I've imagined this day for a while now, but it's here.  

I'm excited, nervous and still a bit sad.  The whole thing is bittersweet with the official ending to my relationship.  Well, officially not living together, but we're still great friends.  In fact, we've laughed more together in the last month or so than we have in the last three years.  Go figure.

Neither of us have mentioned the whole "dating" thing that he talked about doing after I move out.  Probably because both of us have been so busy with work, but I'm not going to rush or push anything.  I'm not even completely sure that I want to date him after all this.  We'll see as we go along.

Right now, I have too much on my plate to consider dating myself, much less anyone else.  My days start at around 6am with a little private time over a cup of coffee before diving into writing work for the morning and whatever chores or errands need to be done.  Then, I sit down at my computer from noon until 9pm to work my new job.  After all that, I stay up to do any remaining writing work that needs to be completed.  I finally pass out sometime around 11pm or midnight. 

I know...I know...I need to get more rest.  Eventually, I will.  Just not today.

Today is a morning filled with slight anxiety over the rush to get my keys and meet the cable/internet dude this morning.  Then, an afternoon and evening of work while I think about my new place.  The big move isn't happening until this weekend, but there's still so much to pack and do before that happens.  Perhaps I should switch from coffee to chamomile tea?  Nahhhh.

The new job is going great, too.  I officially graduated training the day before yesterday, and promptly thrown into creating a whole new service team program for the company.  I'm highly excited and honored to be selected to do this!  I get to create a level of service that the company has talked about doing for about a year.  This gets to be my baby as I birth it and help it mature.  

And, have I mentioned how awesome the people are that I work with there?  Well, they are amazeballs, straight-up!  I could not ask for better folks to work alongside.  

Okay, enough babbling from me.  Time to rock this day!  I hope you have a great day, too!  

More to come.

Today, I Cried

It hit me today.  Hard.  I'm at the end of a relationship that I thought would really last.  The connection was so strong, so profound, so real.  I felt so good about it all at one time.  I'm grieving the loss of that.

I realize that I lost it a long time ago, but it's just now really, really hitting me with full force.  The grief can't be shaken right now.  I need to let it run its course, just as I have other grieving moments in my life.  It will heal, but not today.  Today is a day for sorrow.  

Tomorrow is new, and I know this, too.  Tomorrow brings new opportunities, new challenges, new lessons and new viewpoints.  But, that is part of my bigger problem:  Thinking about tomorrow a little too much.  I'm missing the "now" with my frenzy of making future plans, both short-term and long-term.  Now is just as important as later.  

Actually, let me revise that.  Now is more important than later. I don't get another "now", but there are plenty of "later" times ahead, and that can always change.  Now does not.  Right now, I appreciate more.  I love more.  I cherish more.  To be perfectly honest, now is all any of us really have.

For now, I cry.  I cry for the perceived failure, but mostly for what I know I will miss the most:  Time.  I have wasted so much time throughout my life, and this is a huge, HUGE lesson for me to learn now.  Yes, now.

So much is hitting me at once, and it's really tough to juggle it all - to put all of it into the proper place where it belongs.  Baggage sucks.  But, I know I can and will do this.  I do not lay down and take anything that life brings me, especially since I know it is all my own doing.  Learning never ends for me, nor should it.  It'll just be nice to have a learning experience that doesn't cut so deeply.

 

Just Two More Weeks...

I just looked at the calendar and realized...

...JUST TWO MORE WEEKS!

Holy *bleep*!

Umm, where did the time go already?  No, I'm not even close to being all packed, but I also don't *have* to pack every little thing right away.  But, still...not even my regular necessities are all bundled together.  

Work has kept me uber busy every single day.  Start a new schedule with it on Monday, and it's pretty cool to not have to start work until noon.  Yeah, means I'm working until 9pm, but I can totally dig that.  It helps greatly that the folks I'll be hanging with on the late shift are super damn cool.

I guess this means that it's time to get my lists drawn up and a schedule created in order to work in time and effort to get things organized and packed.  I pick up my keys to my new place on the 19th.  Yeah, it's a Thursday and I'm scheduled to work that afternoon/night, so I think I'll just get the keys and start taking over some kitchen stuff that is already packed to go over...and most of my clothes on hangers.  You know the type of move that means:  Grab all things on hangers and dump them in the back seat.  Ta-da!  

The Friday after that will be a rinse and repeat, then probably moving more stuff over after 9pm.  HA!  The big move and whatnot will be on Saturday - when I also have to meet the cable dude to get me hooked up!  Sunday will be getting everything set up and ready to roll for Monday morning as I work for the first time in my new home.  Never a dull moment, eh?  

More updates, and perhaps a small panicked post or two, to follow!  Onward and upward!

June is a Big and Busy Month

It's here, folks!  The month of June is going to be monumentally big and busy for me.  I wrap up training for a new full-time and fab job, as well as packing up my stuff to move into a new place.  It looks like the writing gigs are steadily rolling in, too, with some new assignments that look to be fun to do.

So, when do I sleep?  Still fitting that into my schedule, but it'll be there.  Perhaps just a wee bit less than what I've had in the past.  That's okay.  I have plans on managing that better, too.  Just not in the next three weeks.  

The summertime rain pattern has hit Central Florida, which means some great storms.  In case you didn't know, I love them!  I've already seen some good light and sound shows out of the early boomers.  Dig it!

In preparation of moving, I've started hitting the thrift shops and some rummage sales.  I have a few things left to get for my kitchen, but I've stocked it so far for under $50.  I'll probably spend about another $30 to finish that room off for now.  Picked up a cool looking entertainment unit for $10 (has a broken drawer, but nothing some wood glue can't fix...once I find a piece of drawer bottom to attach first).  And, I bought a refurbished flat screen TV for dirt cheap on Yugster.  I'm pretty excited about that, since it's going to soon be transitioned into my desk monitor after I pick up a cheaply priced (but blinged-out) desktop computer.  Yup, this girl is going to have a 29-inch monitor!  Why?  Well, why not?

I have about three more weeks living here, and I'm both excited and still a little sad that things didn't work out for us.  I don't blame anyone but myself for the breakup.  I'm not saying that I did anything wrong, although I'm sure I did along the way.  I mostly blame myself for repeating patterns and not learning my lesson the first time.  At least I'm still young enough *cough*cough* to realize it NOW, and make better choices for myself.  I don't believe in having a "last chance in life" as someone once said to me in my youth.  Life is full of chances, but you have to be willing to take them.  I am thankful that I have enough of my father's DNA in me to have the guts to take those chances.  Yeah, he was sort of a d-bag, but I'd like to think that I'm taking the principles of that characteristic and using it for good, not bad.  It's all a choice, folks.

Is June looking to be a busy one for you, too?  Tell me in the comments!  I love to hear about the life changes and journeys that others go through, as well. 

 

 

My Journey - An Update

It's been a while since I've written here.  Things have been crazy-busy in my life!  I was hired on a new job working from home (Can I get a Woot!Woot!?), and training has been great.  I've also found an apartment.  Moving in mid-June, so the packing has begun.  

Am I a little scared?  NOPE!  I'm actually really, really excited!  It's a whole new chapter, and one that has been waiting to be written for many years.  Time to move on and up with myself.

Am I bitter?  Not even a little.  There's no room for bitterness when you're happy.  "No Vacancy" is the sign that hangs in my life when it comes to any emotion that isn't in the same zip code as "happy".

I'll post pics and maybe even some video (gasp!) once I get settled in.  Hell, even considering doing some vlogs with a new YouTube channel as I start this new path.  Not that I have much to say that's *that* interesting, but it may be fun for me.  I like fun.

I do have one complaint, though:  This blasted heat!  OMG, it's 95 here today!  That's August temps, not May.  Ugh.  I know I'm a total wimp when it comes to dealing with heat, and it makes me a bit of a crab-ass.  I know you're asking, "Then why the hell did you move to Florida if you don't like the heat?"  I have no good answer for that.  I really, really don't.  I'm just eternally grateful for air conditioning.  

I may not be able to post on here for a while again.  This new job is full time, and I'm cramming like crazy to pick everything up as quickly as possible.  I don't like being behind the curve, so I always push myself HARD to learn new things and get going with the good stuff.  I'm also still freelance writing, and that's going great.  Doing some of the social media marketing for the clients I'm assigned to has improved, since the one site agreed to my rebranding ideas that I presented.  There's more content to play with on those sites now, so engagement is better.  That always makes a job more fun, right?

As for this new company where I'm working, I cannot say enough great things about them!  The people are not only top-notch at what they do, but they are hella fun.  I've found more members of my "tribe", man, and I could NOT be happier about that!  I feel so good about working for this company and with these people.  This is definitely a total fit for me.  

I hope you all have a fantabulous and safe holiday weekend.  Don't get too schnockered, eat too much food or get too sunburned.  Well, the schnockered part may get a weekend pass, so, just have fun and make it a happy one!

Repeating Patterns

Let me start this part by saying that there are no villains here.  There are no victims and no martyrs.  This is just humanity in its blind, clumsy, programmed and conditioned state stumbling along trying to figure out what’s going on with life.  That being said, I can see now how LOA and my own lack of how it works affected everything in my adult life.  At the age of 20, I attracted my husband to me based on what I was conditioned by my family that I should marry.  Does that make him a bad person?  While that topic may still be debated in some circles, I would have to say no.  He has done and is doing the only thing he knows and has ever known.  Unless and until he chooses to know and do differently, that will never change.  That doesn’t make him bad – just bad for me.

Pretty much the same thing may be said of my second failed adult relationship.  He’s not bad.  I’m not bad.  We’re just bad with and for each other at this time.  At least we’re still friends and friendly to each other.  That’s something I get to take away from this relationship that I did not get from my marriage, so I consider myself blessed.

When I left my marriage of 17 years, I was a very different person than I was when I said “I do”.  Spiritually, I was on a completely different path, but was still trying to find my way.  I felt some pieces of the puzzle were missing, but had no clue as to where to look for them.  So, I just kept on keeping on, having faith that I would figure it out as I went along.  Personally, I was a much stronger person all those years later, but knew that I wasn’t at all close to being where I wanted to be or needed to be.  I was just happy that I at least saw the light shining on the path that I knew I needed to walk.

Very shortly after my husband and I filed for divorce, I met the man whom I’ve spent the last six years.  We’ve lived together in three different states.  It was quite the whirlwind affair and I found myself pregnant after just three months of us seeing each other.  He and I did what we thought was the “adult” thing to do and began living together as husband and wife.  We never married, mostly because I resisted against it.  I didn’t want to be married again, but I conformed to playing house again.  We never really got to date this whole time, just hung out with each other and figured it would all fall into place.  Clearly, that didn’t work out for either of us.  

One major thing that I felt in both relationships that eventually led to me pulling away from each of them was resentment.  With that one whopper of a feeling came a whole host of other goodies:  Bitterness, spite, regret, anger, animosity, indifference and loneliness. 

I continue to squelch my personal voice in my second relationship as I had in my first.  My desires, my wishes, my preferences, my choices were all kept at bay in deference to his.  At first, it was done because I was conditioned to believe that this is just what a good and proper wife does.  The second time was just to avoid conflict.  Most things weren’t worth the battle to me, and I knew that having contradictory opinions would set off a fight.  So, I wore the role of doormat by my own choice.

But there was still that inner (higher?) part of me talking in my head.  No, not talking – screaming in my head!  I knew my choices at those times were utter crap, but did them anyway.  Then, I was reintroduced to the concept of LOA.  I already had some knowledge of “The Secret”, but was introduced to some more meaty sources of information on the subject.  I began this immediate and radical shift in awareness.  Things I thought were clear before became so much brighter that I realized I had no clue before in comparison to what I knew and saw now.  

Enlightenment came pretty quickly to me over the course of about six months this past year. 

This new awakening brought with it a major fork in the road.  What’s interesting is that I recognized this place, since this wasn’t my first tour in this area of my life.  However, I saw this fork in the road entirely differently this time.  I finally saw the truth.  I saw further down each road – more than I had ever before.  

The left side was a dark, overgrown, thorny, very well-worn footpath and, oddly enough, it went around in one huge circle back to where I currently stood at the fork.

The right side is a side I always used to only see a couple of feet in – always eclipsed in a fog.  I’ve always found thick fogs to be overtly creepy, so I would usually avoid looking at that right path for very long.  This time, though, the path was crystal clear like a cloudless sunny day.  I could see that it went in a straight line for as far as the eye could see.  I couldn’t see any real details, but it was oh-so comforting and felt like a beacon calling me home.

To be continued...